Let’s Destroy the Pedestal in Your Dating Life 🧨
Something I notice over and over again in conversations with friends and clients about dating — and what I believe holds them back from finding true, soul-aligned love — is their imaginary pedestal in dating.
⚖️ Here’s what happens: They either place themselves on this pedestal, looking down at potential partners, or they put others above them, feeling somehow “less than.”
💫 But what if I told you that in an empowered dating world, we don’t need pedestals? There are simply aligned and unaligned relationships.
Let me share a story about a friend of mine — let’s call her Sarah. After breaking up with her long-term boyfriend, she realized that she often dates “beneath her” — meaning for her men who were less successful or ambitious — because it made her feel better about herself and also safer in the relationship.
Yet simultaneously, she found herself attracted to men she considered “above her” — meaning for her successful entrepreneurs, world travelers, high earners. With these men, she felt unable to be her authentic self, constantly feeling like she wasn’t quite good enough.
When we believe relationships must have a “better” person, we end up either:
Playing it safe with someone who doesn’t truly inspire us
Pretending to be someone we’re not to feel worthy of love
🚒 What if we burn that pedestal down altogether and embrace this truth: we are ALL worthy of love and attention. The only question is whether we’re aligned with each other.
💭 Take a moment to reflect:
Have you ever felt better than someone simply because they liked you and you didn’t reciprocate?
Have you ever felt less than someone just because they weren’t interested in you?
💖 Here’s what I believe: There aren’t “lovable” and “unlovable” people. There are just people who align with each other and those who don’t.
🏄♂️ Back to Sarah’s ex: To another woman, he might be perfect — a free-spirited surfer who values simple living, nature, and maybe crafts beautiful furniture (Sarah, if you’re reading this, I don’t know if he’s into carpentry lol, but you understand my point). He’s not “less than”; he’s just not aligned with Sarah.
⏰ Timing plays a huge role too! I wouldn’t have matched with my current partner five years ago when I was all about partying, uni, and corporate life (and yes, unavailable men 😅).
Neither version of ourselves was better or worse — we just valued different things at different times. When you develop mutual respect for everyone, you allow authenticity to flourish — both theirs and yours. Accept that you’re worthy exactly as you are, and they are too.
🚀 Trust me: Once you knock down that pedestal, everything flows more naturally — including finding your soul-aligned partner!
Here’s how to start dismantling the pedestal:
🎭 When you feel someone is “above you” — maybe they’re incredibly creative, seem intelligent, or have this magnetic way with people — remind yourself they too have areas of self-doubt and potential for growth. Instead of putting their qualities on a pedestal, ask yourself how (and if) you both share the same values about life, relationships, and growth. Let them inspire you without putting yourself beneath them.
🤝 If you catch yourself dating someone you consider “beneath you” because they’re, for example, quieter, less social, or have interests you don’t consider “cool”, pause and examine if you’re choosing them because it makes you feel more in control. Their way of moving through life might be exactly what someone else is looking for — someone who, for example, values calm conversations over social gatherings, or peaceful weekends over adventure-packed ones.
🌱 Consider how your preferences change with time — maybe you once desired someone who could match your adventurous spirit, but now you value someone who brings calm to your life. Or perhaps you used to seek emotional intensity, but now appreciate gentle, steady connection. This isn’t about better or worse; it’s about where you are in your journey.
🙏 When it’s time to end things with someone, do it with grace and respect for their unique path and self — neither path is superior, they’re just different. Thank them for the time shared and honor that their perfect match is out there, but it’s just not you.
🧩 Think of compatibility like puzzle pieces: when there’s no match, it doesn’t mean either piece is flawed — they’re simply meant for different puzzles.
Remember: Your perfect match isn’t about finding someone “above” or “below” you — it’s about finding someone who aligns with your authentic self. You deserve a connection that feels natural, inspiring, and true to who you are. Now go forth and date with confidence & respect, knowing that the right person is out there waiting for you! 💫
✨ A quick update: Next to momhood, I’ve decided to pause taking on new clients until August to ensure I can give my full attention and energy to my current commitments and most importantly to myself. ☯️
Sending love,
Nora
(Self-Love & Hypnosis Coach)
